Much is being written about empathic care and being in-tune with the needs of children. Below is an excerpt from my book A Short Introduction to Promoting Resilience in Children (London: Jessica Kingsley, 2011), which, itself, is based on material I originally published in A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder (London: Jessica Kingsley, 2009).

To respond with understanding protects against reinforcing unhelpful beliefs about oneself and adults in a caregiving role. Responding to the need as well as the behaviour is one method by which an adult in a caregiving role can respond with understanding. Nearly all human behaviour has a function and purpose and children rarely misbehave for misbehaviour’s sake. Among other things, misbehaviour can serve as an emotional release (such as when children are tired and over aroused) or as a strategy to draw attention to an unmet need. Maladjusted and pre-verbal children are typically unable…