One of the more insidious impacts of early relational/developmental trauma lies in the area of language development and, especially, inner state language. In an environment where parents are grossly preoccupied with their own challenges, opportunities for language growth are stunted. Put simply, there is not the regularity of sensitive back and forth interactions between parent and child, where the child tunes into what the parent is saying, and the parent is speaking the words that go with the child’s experience, such that in time they will become the child’s own words. The parent may not even have the words, themselves, to put to the child’s experience, as a consequency of their own history of early relational/developmental trauma.

In the absense of a sophisticated inner state language, the child is unable to articulate about their experience, just as the parent is unable to articulate their own experience and that of the child in a sophisticated way. Language expression is limited to simple dichotomies, such as “good” or “bad”, or “happy” or “angry/sad”.

In turn, in the absense of sophisticated language, the child can only internalise whether they have been “good” or “bad”, or are “happy” or “angry/sad”. The parent can only use these concepts when referring to the child.

Children and young people who struggle to articulate about their experience rely overly on primitive gestures to communicate about their experience and get their needs met. The most primitive are crying and the social smile. They become alternately charming and demonstrative.

Unfortunately, as they progress through childhood, these primitive relational behaviours are inadequate to fully communicate about their experience and secure needs provision. Adults may frequently misunderstand the intent of the child, such that they inadvertently confirm the negative, about themself (“I am bad”) and others (“you are mean”).

These, then, become central components of the child’s inner voice, and influence how the child approaches life and relationships, right into adulthood.

The sad reality is that the parent and child both struggle to articulate themselves effectively, resulting in maladaptive behaviours that have negative impacts for them both.

If we are to break the cycle of children in care growing into adults with children in care, we need to focus therapeutic endeavours on language development (and the motivation to express oneself in words) as much as anything else.