Managing behaviours of concern exhibited by deeply hurt and troubled children and young people can be challenging, with conventional approaches like time-out, reward charts, and removing access to a desired item or privilege rarely resulting in a desired outcome. Often the behaviour becomes worse. Even if there is a reduction in the behaviour, these children and young people are prone to adopting very negative dispositions towards you and themselves; especially when the management strategy is punishment.

In the video below I take you through a behavioiur management process that is sensitive, responsive, and effective for deeply hurt and troubled children and young people. I have also included a written guide. If you need more information about how to respond to the questions, do have a look at A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder (Second Edition), or my self-paced training programs on the Secure Start website.

Transcript

Hi, I’m Colby Pearce. I haven’t recorded a video recently because I’ve been very busy with the Secure Start podcast, but today I had the urge to make the following video. Getting behaviour management right for deeply hurt and troubled children and young people can be a challenge.

What I hope to do in this video is take you through a process which I anticipate will allow you to respond sensitively, therapeutically, and effectively to behaviours of concern exhibited by these children and young people. I want you to think of a child in your care or who you work with. Write down their name.

Next, I want you to think about a behaviour that you or others are concerned about. Write down the behaviour. Now, in relation to the same child or young person, consider the following questions.

If they could or would, how would they truthfully describe themselves, other people, and their world? Write down your answers. How fast is their motor run? That is, how activated is their nervous system? Write down your answer. If you’re not sure, consider the following.

Are they typically restless? Do they have trouble sleeping? Are they anxious? Do they tantrum easily? These can be signs of an internal motor that is running too fast. The third question is, what do they appear to have learnt about how to get their needs met? Write down your answer. If you’re not sure, are they more or less trusting and accepting of adult care? Are they particularly demanding of your accessibility and responsiveness? Or do they appear to accept that you are there for them and will respond to their needs as they arise? Are they overly self-reliant? Returning to the behaviour of concern and your answers to the previous three questions, what do you consider might be the real reasons for the behaviour of concern? Write down your thoughts.

In consideration of all your previous responses, what can you do to respond to the real reasons for the behaviour? Write down your answer. What do you think will be the outcome of responding in this way? Write down your thoughts. How might the child or young person approach life and relationships differently if you responded to the behaviour in this way? Write down your thoughts.

To respond therapeutically and effectively to the behaviours of concern exhibited by deeply hurt and troubled children and young people, I strongly encourage you to follow the above steps. If you need help to develop a response to each of those steps and questions, I recommend that you consider my book, A Short Introduction to Attachment and Attachment Disorder, and the learning resources that you can find on my website securestart.com.au. And a final reflection, in consideration of the above process, how might you respond to a behaviour or behaviours of concern exhibited by an adult who has their own experience of childhood trauma and is themselves deeply hurt and troubled? I anticipate that you will find the above process just as helpful.