A review:
A Short Introduction to Promoting Resilience in Children (Colby Pearce) | The Fostering Network.
Suicide prevention is a worthy undertaking. Much credit must be given to those who endeavour to raise the profile of suicide prevention and its correlate, mental health promotion.
The RUOK? campaign that seeks to raise community awareness and prevent possible suicides through the medium of social connection is a worthy endeavour. Connection is a powerful medium to prevent possible suicides. Simply asking Are you OK? conceivably offers an experience of caring that may make a positive difference for a person contemplating suicide.
However, those who are familiar with my work will know how I dislike the use of questions when we are endeavouring to establish a meaningful connection. Though questions can offer an experience of interest and care, they imply that the asker does not know what the person being asked is experiencing. They can offer the recipient of the question the experience that others do not know what they are going through.
Rather, I prefer statements that communicate understanding. Statements that communicate understanding offer an experience of interest, care and validation. The recipient of a statement of understanding has the experience that their difficulties are worthy of the interest of others. They feel worthy. They feel validated.
Validation should be viewed as an inoculation against depression.
Next time you think to ask a person RUOK? take a moment to consider how they look and sound and what you know of their circumstances. If you consider that they are not OK say something like you look like something is bothering you. Such a simple statement of understanding is often a powerful basis for a meaningful conversation and meaningful connection. You might even say you look like [whatever you guess it is] is bothering you.
If you do ask RUOK, pay attention to how the person responds and don’t be afraid to say you don’t seem OK. In fact, it sounds to me like something is bothering you.
Used in these ways, statements of understanding (referred to as verbalising understanding in my books and other publications) have the potential to establish a meaningful connection of depth and quality that can change a life.
A great deal of scientific and social endeavour is expended on preventing suicide. Few losses evoke emotions in others as much as a person’s death by their own hand.
A person’s suicide evokes predictable questions: Why did they not confide in someone? Why did they not ask for help? Why did their feel so alone?
The suicide of a young person is especially poignant.
Twenty-five years ago there was a spike in media attention on the purported role of music in suicide among teens. Much speculation centred on the possible contribution of heavy metal music to teen suicide.
Against this backdrop of media interest, a small group of researchers in Adelaide, South Australia, were studying the role of music preference as an indicator of vulnerability to suicide among teens. This research, which was published in 1993 in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, could not and did not allocate a causative role to certain music preferences in teen suicidal behaviour. Rather, what the research showed was that teens who acknowledged unconventional music preferences, such as teenage girls who acknowledged a preference for hard rock and heavy metal music, were more likely to also acknowledge having engaged in suicidal behaviour than those with more conventional preferences.
Certain types of music do not necessarily cause teens to resort to suicide. Rather, music preference may be seen to reflect how connected an individual feels to mainstream interests, ideals and values. Connection to the mainstream plays an important role in regulating emotions and behaviours. When a teen feels disconnected from the mainstream they are at-risk of feeling isolated and alone and of resorting to unconventional behaviours that are not socially-sanctioned to resolve personal difficulties. They may even form new groups or subcultures with other lonely, isolated and disenfranchised individuals, where the behaviour of the new group is not regulated by conventional ideals and standards of behaviour.
Such is what occurs with suicide.
Suicide among teens can be prevented.
Suicide among teens can be prevented by all of us taking active steps to connect with those who are lonely and isolated; by taking the time to engage with them and see the world through their eyes; to communicate understanding of their experiences – their thoughts, their feelings, their interests.
Only then will they feel understood.
Only then will they feel like a valid person.
Only then will they feel connected to something bigger than themselves.
Only then will they confide in others.
Only then will they ask for help.
Only then will they no longer feel alone.
People do not act for no reason.
They may act in response to an idea.
They may act in response to an emotion.
They may act in response to a need that requires satisfaction.
They may act because the way their brain developed impairs their capacity to think before they act in the presence of a trigger (stimulus).
If we accept the truth that people do not act for no reason, then we must similarly accept that when we punish a child for their actions without making any effort to try to understand why they did what they did, we are essentially communicating to them that their thoughts, feelings, needs and biological characteristics are unimportant or invalid.
Repeated often enough, the child develops the belief that they are unimportant and invalid.
The consequences of invalidation include behavioural problems, emotional problems, preoccupations with needs and a lack of regard for…
View original post 26 more words
Please visit the Secure Start site for these and other bestselling titles.
Attachment and Resilience 